this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
