3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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