so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
