I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
