Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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