What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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