my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
