the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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