when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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