I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
