I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
