I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
