Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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