Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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