I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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