i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
