There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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