Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
