I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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