Your face is a jimmy john
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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