I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
