Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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