We won't sleep together?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
