Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
