At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
