just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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