I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
