We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love having hate sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
