I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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