i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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