Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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