I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
