I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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