I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
please don't ironically join a cult
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