U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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