Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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