Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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