my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
