we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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