I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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