What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She bit a glass in half.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
