So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
