Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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