There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
