im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
