I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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