ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize