2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
