yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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