is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
two words: eviction party
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
