That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
