Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
