What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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