Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
