If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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