That's intense
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
