A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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