yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
