I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
