I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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