Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
