you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
