i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
