Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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