Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
