Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize