my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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