Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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