You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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