He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
